this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
