Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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