bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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