She's JV to your varsity
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
