Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
