you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
