but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
