my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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