life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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