but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
