ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
