So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
