I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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