I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
