I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
