I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
