i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
