just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
They have beer where we have blood.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
