No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
