you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she peed on how many people?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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