dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
