Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
