Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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