my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
