Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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