You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm like, not good at living.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
