That's intense
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Who died my cat blue again?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
