Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
