I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
