I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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