So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How does one acquire holy water?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
