I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
