you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
