apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
