you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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