She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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