I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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