I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
