if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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