The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she told me i tasted like america
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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