fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
