i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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