piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
