dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
