Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
