hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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