I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
