I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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