I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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