i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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