i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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