Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
