gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
