Yo dont text me then not text me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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