dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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